Insecurity

Last night at church (it was a great message) Dave and I were sitting in the back (we do now that I am pregnant because I feel more comfortable) and across the aisle from us was  a group of teenagers from the Christian Day School.  Well, I kept catching them look at me – which means I was looking at them ha-ha.  Then my friend Beth and her son came in late and ended up beside us.  At the end of the service we were laughing and chatting and she said out of the blue, “Why do they keep looking at me?  Is there something on me?  I am really not that interesting.”  And I just marveled at how quickly insecurity can strike around a group of teenagers if you are not on your game (and Beth is one of the least insecure people I know).   And that got me thinking about insecurity and pride and other things.

I never really thought of insecurity as pride until I was reading a Beth Moore book a few years ago.  From our message at church  last night Romans 12:3 tells us to not think too highly about ourselves.  Any of us can fall into a trap thinking about what others are thinking about us or even filling others’ heads with thoughts about us.  Coming from a broken family I spent a lot of time thinking how much people didn’t love me or like me or wondering what my immediate family thought of me or even was extremely hurt they didn’t think of me at all.  I know our enemy knows our background and can attempt to reel us right back into that whole game. 

When God really showed me that most of the time people are thinking of themselves and not about me, and if I am thinking about how people think about me all the time, even if I am focusing on the negative and have a poor self image, I AM THINKING TOO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF.  It is the most dangerous and subtle form of pride.  Feeling sorry for myself for hours or days or weeks and dwelling on myself is a form of pride because it’s self focus.  Wow, that really delivered me.  And, of course, I, like everyone else, can still fall victim to this, but I praise God that we all can be released from a life of self absorption – even if we have been truly hurt and we all have. 

My late pastor used to say humility isn’t thinking too highly or too lowly of yourself, it’s not thinking of yourself at all.  The last few years, since God has delivered me from major insecurities (which I think allows us to forgive people more easily), I try to remember this when others’ insecurities trip me up.  Sometimes people are not nice or not friendly or many other things because they are hurting people.  They need to be loved and delivered from this monster the devil wants to throw on all of us – insecurity.  Kick him out and don’t let him back in.  It frees you up to think about other things.  Things like God.