Monday, January 12, 2015

ancient healing elixir for my soul

i am learning a new level of obedience to God and it is smashing fears, anxieties and stresses down in my soul faster than anything i have ever known.  it's like a drug that i think i am becoming addicted to.  my soul has found a new level of freedom.  such a paradox.  freedom in obedience.

don't get me wrong.  i have been making choices for God for years.  but there is living the christian life  by christian values.  that is noble.

this is a new level.

i have been desperately seeking and asking God and reading and getting into His Word.  things i have been doing for years now.  but what sets apart the person that lives the christian life and the christian that has really truly been set free?  the one who can deliver others because she has been delivered.  this has been my question to God for the last year.

is it moving to a foreign land? no.  is it becoming a famous speaker? no.  is it quitting your job and working only for the ministry? no.  is it a Bible college degree?  no.

now, i know we will never be completely delivered from this old man(woman) that lives inside us until we leave this earth.

but what releases us from the bondage from others and our own poor choices?  the Word of God.  now what a simple answer that is.  and we all know it.  at least devout christians.  but seriously.  the ones i have studied who have been delivered are the ones who studied the Word.  "man must not live by bread alone but by every word of God."

it's not only food for our soul, it's the ancient healing elixir for my soul.  it's medicine.  it's surgery.  it's a healing balm.

if i eat it and savoring it knowing it's the secret potion to heal the cancer of my soul, my soul responds.

deliberate memorization of the Word to heal the soul.

so that is part one.  i have memorized scriptures off and on.  but this year i am making a deliberate habit and have specific deadlines (mostly because i joined an online scripture memory community).  but i joined the group to enforce discipline on myself and to record what God does in this step of faith.  and i really, really believe He will do big things.

i also have finally - well, let's not get too proud here - i have started to understand on a deeper level that God knows me better than i know myself (i know that's pretty darn ridiculous and thick headed but it's quite true).  God spoke something to me over the fall and i have taken steps of obedience in a faith journey i would not have chosen myself and i really have no idea where it will lead.  but the peace that has flooded in and the relief my fingers feel after prying the grip off my own life is immeasurable.  my hands have been so well trained, it's an unconscious habit to pick up my life again like i created it and know best for myself.  but they are also slowly learning to quickly let go again because what does the clay know about creating a vessel?  that is best left to the Potter.  so much easier said than done.  but i cannot wait to see what He does and to tell everyone.

i cannot wait to see what this year brings.

this faith walk with God.

sledding in a winter wonderland... with a chicken

it ain't easy getting outside.  so much easier to enjoy the warmth of a fire on a snowy afternoon.  a snowy monday afternoon.  a snowy afternoon weeks into major changes in your life.  and the transition isn't necessarily smooth sledding.

henry started at the local school a week and a half before a two week christmas vacation.  he loves school but we've had some bumps in the road.  all typical of raising a spirited chicken farmer.  i am really proud of the young man he's becoming.  so inquisitive and such an imagination.

i am learning to trust God with him.  not easy loosing the grip on the first born.  but i am learning that the possessive love produces strongholds.  and God's love is the love that draws and frees and grows and releases and creates a safety net that possessive love tries to counterfeit but ALWAYS comes short.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Polarized Extremes

Here's my latest project.  I literally don't know how I did it.  Even now I have a toddler going nuts.  Throwing books.  Refusing to go to bed.

Oh my word.  Such extremes.  Life is so extreme and I tend to romanticize things and then reality hits.  It happens every. single. time. with the furniture.  Every.  I see the potential.  I buy the piece.  I haul the piece.  I look at it again and wonder what I am doing with this piece of crap.  Why am I even doing this?  Seriously.  Why? And then I literally force myself to push through the chaos of my life and finish it.  I never think about who made it or who owned it before.  Or who will own it.  I don't care about the story.  I just love the thrill of the change.  Something given up and ugly and now a piece of art.  It's a love hate relationship.  Or a love, hate, love relationship.

It's the same way with the dog we have now.  I romanticized having a dog.  Now shoveling the poop off the deck because he's prefers to go there over the grass is not so romantic.  Or the breaking out of the kennel and pooping and peeing all over the entire house.  Or the deep cut he got from trying to escape his harness on the run so he won't kill the chickens when he's outside.  Yeah, I start getting rose colored glasses again when I see Hudson hug his face.  But then when I took him to the vet after only having him for a few weeks and had to pay $400 to have the deep cut repaired, I prayed he would die under anesthesia.  I did.  But I like him.  It's the extremes.

I romanticized Halloween while my husband was away at the Pastor's retreat.  I designed chicken costumes and order feather boas to add to the effect.  On Halloween I picked up a grumpy teenager who was staying with us and ran into Wal-mart to get a few last minute details.  Henry asked the guy who was cashing us out why his belly was so fat.  Yeah.  And I wildly sewed stuff on the hats last minute.  I dressed Henry very militantly and then Hudson.  Hudson screamed and immediately tried to rip the costume off.  Didn't they understand how awesome I had imagined the moment?  Henry did.  He also wears rose colored glasses.  He loved everything about it.  I bribed and threatened Hudson and dragged an older unwilling participant with us.  But the night was incredible.  Another example of extremes.  The vision, the horrible and stressful process and then, thank GOD, the result was a blissful evening in and idyllic town.  It was the best Halloween ever.  The best.  I felt like we were in a movie.

When I want to quit because I wasn't cut out for any of this, I am exactly right.  I was made for the Garden of Eden and all this sin, imperfection, sin natures and death that surrounds us - we were not made for.  I am so sickened and angry at how paralyzed I am by the stresses of a person in such a blessed nation.  So much but so imprisoned.  It's insane.  But we weren't designed for this battle.  That's why the depravity and the struggles are blessings in disguise.  Reminders that the only way we can be cut out for this world is when we approach it in the shape of a cross.  My self centeredness is overwhelming.  But it's the sin that is in me.  And God still loves me in spite of all that.  That war inside of me.  He has a solution.  To look to Him.  To take more of Him and then I will look less at me and I can face this battle because He already won it.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

I'm Back.. For Now...

I used to get so bugged when bloggers I followed dropped off the face of the earth.  And now I get it.  With different seasons come different priorities.  And I am learning to navigate this time with two busy boys, a messy house and days going by in a flash.  I have learned more about myself.  I am more of a romantic than I ever realized and more of a visionary.  I romanticized the idea of homeschooling, raising children and being a stay at home mom.  My days are filled with lots of frustration, lots of forgiveness (mostly for myself) and a flurry of activity.  In the midst of my new depths of knowledge in practical parenting and the application of the grace of God like never before, I am loving life.  Loving my kids and am so very grateful to God to all He has given me.  I am in awe watching my two little boys becoming more and more independent.  I am in awe of the opportunities God gives me to minister to others in the midst of my own depravity.  I am in awe of the spiritual growth of my husband.  I am in awe of the blessing God continues to pour out.

Doing some art work on a very rainy, cold wet day here in mid-coast Maine.  We do not do art every day - don't want to give a false impression haha.

Learning to live in a house that constantly has every room on the verge of being clean or a total disaster.  Never completely in order.

Our bar top has become a home to Henry's toys and Hudson has found a way to move chairs to reach them as well.

Another shot of the boys hard at work.  Henry is really refining his skills daily.  Hudson doesn't ever want to miss a moment of action.

Our dog is jailed because he pooped on the rug this morning.  His name is Bosley.  He's a beagle and blue tick mix.  We rescued him from the pound after he was there for a few months and before that found nearly dead on the side of a mountain.  He's seven years old and very good with the kids.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Happy Birthday, Hudson!!

Our baby came into the world two years ago today.  Can't believe it's Hudzy Budzy Bear's Birthday!

My Bear loves sports, danger, his family, the water, rocks, trucks, running.   We had to go to the DMV to register my car this morning which was literal torture for all of us.  But we calmed down after getting Hudson a birthday cupcake and playing in the park.

Hudson is very loving and very rough.  He's quiet and he's loud.  He's an observer and a doer.  He's always adventurous and extremely adorable.  I thank God for him everyday.  I thank God for his chubby cheeks and belly and curly hair.  I thank God for how much he loves me.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Chickens, Foxes and Working Again

Our poor chickens were nearly taken out on Sunday.  We came home late afternoon/ early evening after my birthday party to the chickens wildly running around and then we saw it!  A FOX!  It quickly disappeared into the woods.

My mom had a party at her house for my grandfather and me.  Our birthdays are two days apart.  Molly had a gluten free cake made for me.  

London came to visit us!!  Our Canadian/ American cousin.

Henry was very concerned about his flock.

My baby cakes passed out in his chair on Memorial Day.

I can't get enough of his cuteness!

Been getting back to work after working extremely part-time for several months!  So maybe even less time to blog?   Who knows?  I seem to get more done the busier I am but there's nothing like two active boys to keep you busy!

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Spring IS Here!

MASSIVE chicken egg!!

We love visiting the Belted Galloway in Rockport!

Dairy Farm up the road.



First 5K for my friend Bobbie Jo


Christopher and Grampa on Grammie's 75th

Church event at Molly's on Pond

Henry got into freezing cold water.

Dave mowing our huge lawn with boys.

So grateful to live down the road from Jessica.

Papa and Henry plowing our garden.

Full moon walk with neighbors.  Was a fun time.

First time away from kids.  Bobbie and I went to the Melaleuca Convention in Salt Lake City.

Too busy for sight seeing but coming into the city on the plane was breathtaking.

So many people and such a wonderful company.

Artist does painting on canvas to music in minutes.  It looks like nothing and then he flips around and, boom, Elvis.

Finally, a grilled Rachael spelled the correct way.  Hahah

My babies did so well without me.  But was so good to be with them today!

Our yard.