Well, it’s quite the never ending snow storm here in coastal Maine. I came downstairs this morning to enjoy the peace the falling snow brings while my husband and child still slept. But, my neighbors were blasting quite the nasty mix of music. It actually made me laugh.
2009 saw a year of trading in a restful night to a restless night. I surrendered to the fact that uninterrupted sleep is a distant memory. Don’t mock – a dog and a forever moving child in a bed with two adults is not a recipe for slumber. Could I change it? Absolutely. Will I or we? Probably not. Dave likes to think he’s tougher than I am and might just have the will to kick the dog out of the room and put Henry in a crib. When it comes right down to it – we’re both just a couple of wimps. Wimps that love our family. Wimps that spoil our child and baby our dog. Another lesson learned in 2009. If you had shown me a picture of this 10 years ago, I would have said no way.
Which brings me to more of the teaching of 2009. When I was younger, learning, knowledge, promotion, gaining probably added more arrogance, stubbornness, judgment, hard-heartiness, pride, superiority, a know-it-all attitude and many more things I could add to the list of past faults and probably some present (I know I still have faults – they just change). My husband always says pain is a great motivator. I know we all face pain and will continue until God takes us home. Pain doesn’t always equal punishment. Pain can equal gain even if there is loss if we just let God speak. I have learned the more I learn the less I know. I have learned what a gift life is and it’s not guaranteed in the next moment. I have become more educated in the frailty of man and our need just to be loved. I have known life can be and will continue to be very lonely at times. There are things you will have to walk through alone. I have also learned through this loneliness that I am not alone. Only God can touch the deep places of our soul – the places we all try to fill with other things. I have known that but, as I said in the beginning, the more I know, the more I know I have to learn.
I have learned forgiveness can be one of the greatest gifts we give ourselves. Grudges and resentment are bad for the bones. Plus, God has forgiven me SO much more. I have also learned that true forgiveness is a work of God – a healing. We can not manufacture or replicate His forgiveness. That’s too much work anyway. We need to surrender. Something I am learning over and over.
I have learned the joys of parenting far surpass the clothes we wear, the color of our walls, the dollar signs in our paycheck. Give me a paper box if it meant I could continue to hear the little funny noises my son makes when falling asleep. The way his shoulders jiggle when he belly laughs. Nothing has shown me more of the love of God than my love for my son. It sure does put life into perspective.
I am learning more and more to call on God for the needs in my life and then to trust Him. When a door shuts, don’t sweat it. When a door opens – walk through it. My husband, my son and I are on an adventure with God. It doesn’t have to be dodging bullets or jumping out of planes. When you know God has done it, even the littlest things can bring the greatest joy. Like opening your post office box or meeting someone in the grocery store. Knowing that God is directing our steps. A lesson we continue to learn.
The beginning of 2009 was baby showers and the seed of a new business. March 14 brought a new precious life into ours – our baby boy was born. Spring was quite busy with negotiating deals for our house and business. We sold our house June 19 and our business June 29. We moved (did a mention I loathe moving?) and waited on God. The seed of a business became the forming of a new business in the summer. Fall brought an open door of a new house, a renovation and another move. Wow! A truly amazing story that was all God. Late fall and early winter was filled with a new business gaining momentum little by little, a child of God learning to trust Him in all of this and a new home for a little boy’s first holidays. Thank God. The firsts continue for Henry in his new home, the trusting God continues to be a daily lesson for his parents as we look forward to 2010!
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