i am learning a new level of obedience to God and it is smashing fears, anxieties and stresses down in my soul faster than anything i have ever known. it's like a drug that i think i am becoming addicted to. my soul has found a new level of freedom. such a paradox. freedom in obedience.
don't get me wrong. i have been making choices for God for years. but there is living the christian life by christian values. that is noble.
this is a new level.
i have been desperately seeking and asking God and reading and getting into His Word. things i have been doing for years now. but what sets apart the person that lives the christian life and the christian that has really truly been set free? the one who can deliver others because she has been delivered. this has been my question to God for the last year.
is it moving to a foreign land? no. is it becoming a famous speaker? no. is it quitting your job and working only for the ministry? no. is it a Bible college degree? no.
now, i know we will never be completely delivered from this old man(woman) that lives inside us until we leave this earth.
but what releases us from the bondage from others and our own poor choices? the Word of God. now what a simple answer that is. and we all know it. at least devout christians. but seriously. the ones i have studied who have been delivered are the ones who studied the Word. "man must not live by bread alone but by every word of God."
it's not only food for our soul, it's the ancient healing elixir for my soul. it's medicine. it's surgery. it's a healing balm.
if i eat it and savoring it knowing it's the secret potion to heal the cancer of my soul, my soul responds.
deliberate memorization of the Word to heal the soul.
so that is part one. i have memorized scriptures off and on. but this year i am making a deliberate habit and have specific deadlines (mostly because i joined an online scripture memory community). but i joined the group to enforce discipline on myself and to record what God does in this step of faith. and i really, really believe He will do big things.
i also have finally - well, let's not get too proud here - i have started to understand on a deeper level that God knows me better than i know myself (i know that's pretty darn ridiculous and thick headed but it's quite true). God spoke something to me over the fall and i have taken steps of obedience in a faith journey i would not have chosen myself and i really have no idea where it will lead. but the peace that has flooded in and the relief my fingers feel after prying the grip off my own life is immeasurable. my hands have been so well trained, it's an unconscious habit to pick up my life again like i created it and know best for myself. but they are also slowly learning to quickly let go again because what does the clay know about creating a vessel? that is best left to the Potter. so much easier said than done. but i cannot wait to see what He does and to tell everyone.
i cannot wait to see what this year brings.
this faith walk with God.
Monday, January 12, 2015
it ain't easy getting outside. so much easier to enjoy the warmth of a fire on a snowy afternoon. a snowy monday afternoon. a snowy afternoon weeks into major changes in your life. and the transition isn't necessarily smooth sledding.
henry started at the local school a week and a half before a two week christmas vacation. he loves school but we've had some bumps in the road. all typical of raising a spirited chicken farmer. i am really proud of the young man he's becoming. so inquisitive and such an imagination.
i am learning to trust God with him. not easy loosing the grip on the first born. but i am learning that the possessive love produces strongholds. and God's love is the love that draws and frees and grows and releases and creates a safety net that possessive love tries to counterfeit but ALWAYS comes short.