My Sleeping Sweetness

My big brother – on the left – so handsome!

Miss you Vinny!

Video of Henry

This video was taken with my friend B.J.’s camera.  It’s funny my sixty something year old friend would get us into the world of videoing our child.  Thanks so much B.J.  We had fun today!!

Digging Out

  Digging out phase 1 – yesterday.

Not quite the comfort she expects.

  The wood Dave moved during the blizzard.  He took this picture.  I found it on the camera – so I know he’s pretty proud of it.

 

View from our living room window this morning.  We were expecting the snow storm to continue, but, as you can see, it’s quite clear. 

  View out of the kitchen door yesterday.  I love this kitchen door.  It adds so much light to the room.

Dave cleaned the cars off just to get covered again.  We did venture out yesterday. 

Dave and Henry at church Wednesday night.

Learning, Loving, Laboring, Loss 2009 cont’d

Well, it’s quite the never ending snow storm here in coastal Maine.  I came downstairs this morning to enjoy the peace the falling snow brings while my husband and child still slept.  But, my neighbors were blasting quite the nasty mix of music.  It actually made me laugh. 

2009 saw a year of trading in a restful night to a restless night.  I surrendered to the fact that uninterrupted sleep is a distant memory.  Don’t mock – a dog and a forever moving child in a bed with two adults is not a recipe for slumber.  Could I change it?  Absolutely.  Will I or we?  Probably not.  Dave likes to think he’s tougher than I am and might just have the will to kick the dog out of the room and put Henry in a crib.  When it comes right down to it – we’re both just a couple of wimps.  Wimps that love our family.  Wimps that spoil our child and baby our dog.  Another lesson learned in 2009.  If you had shown me a picture of this 10 years ago, I would have said no way.

Which brings me to more of the teaching of 2009.  When I was younger, learning, knowledge, promotion, gaining probably added more arrogance, stubbornness, judgment, hard-heartiness, pride, superiority, a know-it-all attitude and many more things I could add to the list of past faults and probably some present (I know I still have faults – they just change).  My husband always says pain is a great motivator.  I know we all face pain and will continue until God takes us home.  Pain doesn’t always equal punishment.  Pain can equal gain even if there is loss if we just let God speak.  I have learned the more I learn the less I know.  I have learned what a gift life is and it’s not guaranteed in the next moment.  I have become more educated in the frailty of man and our need just to be loved.  I have known life can be and will continue to be very lonely at times.  There are things you will have to walk through alone.  I have also learned through this loneliness that I am not alone.  Only God can touch the deep places of our soul – the places we all try to fill with other things.  I have known that but, as I said in the beginning, the more I know, the more I know I have to learn.

I have learned forgiveness can be one of the greatest gifts we give ourselves.  Grudges and resentment are bad for the bones.  Plus, God has forgiven me SO much more.  I have also learned that true forgiveness is a work of God – a healing.  We can not manufacture or replicate His forgiveness.  That’s too much work anyway.  We need to surrender.  Something I am learning over and over.

I have learned the joys of parenting far surpass the clothes we wear, the color of our walls, the dollar signs in our paycheck.  Give me a paper box if it meant I could continue to hear the little funny noises my son makes when falling asleep.  The way his shoulders jiggle when he belly laughs.  Nothing has shown me more of the love of God than my love for my son.  It sure does put life into perspective. 

I am learning more and more to call on God for the needs in my life and then to trust Him.  When a door shuts, don’t sweat it.  When a door opens – walk through it.  My husband, my son and I are on an adventure with God.  It doesn’t have to be dodging bullets or jumping out of planes.  When you know God has done it, even the littlest things can bring the greatest joy.  Like opening your post office box or meeting someone in the grocery store.  Knowing that God is directing our steps.  A lesson we continue to learn.

The beginning of 2009 was baby showers and the seed of a new business.  March 14 brought a new precious life into ours – our baby boy was born.  Spring was quite busy with negotiating deals for our house and business.  We sold our house June 19 and our business June 29.  We moved (did a mention I loathe moving?) and waited on God.  The seed of a business became the forming of a new business in the summer.  Fall brought an open door of a new house, a renovation and another move.  Wow!  A truly amazing story that was all God.  Late fall and early winter was filled with a new business gaining momentum little by little, a child of God learning to trust Him in all of this and a new home for a little boy’s first holidays.  Thank God.  The firsts continue for Henry in his new home, the trusting God continues to be a daily lesson for his parents as we look forward to 2010!

Learning, Loving, Laboring, Loss 2009

2009, you have taught me so much.  What is the first thing that comes to mind when reflecting on 2009? – Henry.  For so many years I feared having a child – he was with me before 2009 – but we met face to face on March 14.  No words can do justice, no song could stir a deep enough emotion, no artist could capture the love that consumes me for this precious gift from God.  Being a mother drives me further towards God knowing weak little me has been entrusted with this little soul.  Treasure.  Treasure every day.  Treasure every moment.  That’s what I tell myself continuously.  How could anyone look at this perfect creation and not believe in a Loving Creator?  My love for Henry and my loss of Vinny has been my greatest teacher of 2009.

My second reflection?  I learned to cope with the loss of my dear brother for a whole calendar year.  Had I been asked if I could survive that on July 8, 2008, the answer most assuredly would have been no.  God’s grace is sufficient.  End of story.  The loss of one life changed how the entire world measured time.  Before Christ and A.D. (the year of our Lord).  My calendar year seems to be before Vinny’s death and after. 

Heart ache is a great teacher.  I wouldn’t trade any of it if it meant I wouldn’t have had Vinny, I wouldn’t have gained Henry and, most, most, most importantly I wouldn’t have the relationship I have with God today.  Is it perfect? – no.  It’s a work in progress. 

Tired – may be revised or erased in the morning.

I Wish I Had Been There!

My cousin Matt’s kids visiting their RI cousins.