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Beloved Bobbie Jo Off to New Horizons

I posted this on Facebook and wanted to repost to my blog (I left original typos as well):

For Our Beloved Bobbie Jo and all those hearts bleeding over her loss. I have been asking God how does one wrap words around a life so short that effected so many? Words can never give what we had in Bobbie justice. But here they are.

In a world filled with isolation and individualism, she offered community and togetherness. In a world of mass blind consumption, she savored every bite. In a world too heavy laden with their own pain to glimpse on another's, she shouldered up with open arms and an open heart. In world of survival of the fittest, she joined the under dog every. single. time. In a world where life is disposable, she valued and saw beauty in every person. In a world of iphones and 100% accessibility, the world stopped when she was with you. In a world of ADHD and interruption overload, she listened like no one I have ever met. In a world of rote, meaningless motion, she lived every moment and made every decision with passion.

To me she was a perfectly imperfect representation of something we all long for and how God made our life to be. She was a perfectly imperfect representation of Jesus Christ Himself. She is a life well lived because she loved. For without love, life is nothing. Our loss would not be bitter if our time with her had not been so sweet. I will take the pain, if it means I get to keep the blessing. For that I am grateful and would not change history. I am thankful to God for creating such a wonderful woman and that she allowed Christ's life to shine through her. I am forever indebted to her family for sharing her last moments with so many of us.

For someone who never wanted to alone, you are brave, my jerk, my friend, my sister to go on to meet Jesus before us. New Horizons where you are happy and whole. We love you!

ancient healing elixir for my soul

i am learning a new level of obedience to God and it is smashing fears, anxieties and stresses down in my soul faster than anything i have ever known.  it's like a drug that i think i am becoming addicted to.  my soul has found a new level of freedom.  such a paradox.  freedom in obedience.

don't get me wrong.  i have been making choices for God for years.  but there is living the christian life  by christian values.  that is noble.

this is a new level.

i have been desperately seeking and asking God and reading and getting into His Word.  things i have been doing for years now.  but what sets apart the person that lives the christian life and the christian that has really truly been set free?  the one who can deliver others because she has been delivered.  this has been my question to God for the last year.

is it moving to a foreign land? no.  is it becoming a famous speaker? no.  is it quitting your job and working only for the ministry? no.  is it a Bible college degree?  no.

now, i know we will never be completely delivered from this old man(woman) that lives inside us until we leave this earth.

but what releases us from the bondage from others and our own poor choices?  the Word of God.  now what a simple answer that is.  and we all know it.  at least devout christians.  but seriously.  the ones i have studied who have been delivered are the ones who studied the Word.  "man must not live by bread alone but by every word of God."

it's not only food for our soul, it's the ancient healing elixir for my soul.  it's medicine.  it's surgery.  it's a healing balm.

if i eat it and savoring it knowing it's the secret potion to heal the cancer of my soul, my soul responds.

deliberate memorization of the Word to heal the soul.

so that is part one.  i have memorized scriptures off and on.  but this year i am making a deliberate habit and have specific deadlines (mostly because i joined an online scripture memory community).  but i joined the group to enforce discipline on myself and to record what God does in this step of faith.  and i really, really believe He will do big things.

i also have finally - well, let's not get too proud here - i have started to understand on a deeper level that God knows me better than i know myself (i know that's pretty darn ridiculous and thick headed but it's quite true).  God spoke something to me over the fall and i have taken steps of obedience in a faith journey i would not have chosen myself and i really have no idea where it will lead.  but the peace that has flooded in and the relief my fingers feel after prying the grip off my own life is immeasurable.  my hands have been so well trained, it's an unconscious habit to pick up my life again like i created it and know best for myself.  but they are also slowly learning to quickly let go again because what does the clay know about creating a vessel?  that is best left to the Potter.  so much easier said than done.  but i cannot wait to see what He does and to tell everyone.

i cannot wait to see what this year brings.

this faith walk with God.

sledding in a winter wonderland... with a chicken

it ain't easy getting outside.  so much easier to enjoy the warmth of a fire on a snowy afternoon.  a snowy monday afternoon.  a snowy afternoon weeks into major changes in your life.  and the transition isn't necessarily smooth sledding.

henry started at the local school a week and a half before a two week christmas vacation.  he loves school but we've had some bumps in the road.  all typical of raising a spirited chicken farmer.  i am really proud of the young man he's becoming.  so inquisitive and such an imagination.

i am learning to trust God with him.  not easy loosing the grip on the first born.  but i am learning that the possessive love produces strongholds.  and God's love is the love that draws and frees and grows and releases and creates a safety net that possessive love tries to counterfeit but ALWAYS comes short.

Polarized Extremes

Here's my latest project.  I literally don't know how I did it.  Even now I have a toddler going nuts.  Throwing books.  Refusing to go to bed.

Oh my word.  Such extremes.  Life is so extreme and I tend to romanticize things and then reality hits.  It happens every. single. time. with the furniture.  Every.  I see the potential.  I buy the piece.  I haul the piece.  I look at it again and wonder what I am doing with this piece of crap.  Why am I even doing this?  Seriously.  Why? And then I literally force myself to push through the chaos of my life and finish it.  I never think about who made it or who owned it before.  Or who will own it.  I don't care about the story.  I just love the thrill of the change.  Something given up and ugly and now a piece of art.  It's a love hate relationship.  Or a love, hate, love relationship.

It's the same way with the dog we have now.  I romanticized having a dog.  Now shoveling the poop off the deck because he's prefers to go there over the grass is not so romantic.  Or the breaking out of the kennel and pooping and peeing all over the entire house.  Or the deep cut he got from trying to escape his harness on the run so he won't kill the chickens when he's outside.  Yeah, I start getting rose colored glasses again when I see Hudson hug his face.  But then when I took him to the vet after only having him for a few weeks and had to pay $400 to have the deep cut repaired, I prayed he would die under anesthesia.  I did.  But I like him.  It's the extremes.

I romanticized Halloween while my husband was away at the Pastor's retreat.  I designed chicken costumes and order feather boas to add to the effect.  On Halloween I picked up a grumpy teenager who was staying with us and ran into Wal-mart to get a few last minute details.  Henry asked the guy who was cashing us out why his belly was so fat.  Yeah.  And I wildly sewed stuff on the hats last minute.  I dressed Henry very militantly and then Hudson.  Hudson screamed and immediately tried to rip the costume off.  Didn't they understand how awesome I had imagined the moment?  Henry did.  He also wears rose colored glasses.  He loved everything about it.  I bribed and threatened Hudson and dragged an older unwilling participant with us.  But the night was incredible.  Another example of extremes.  The vision, the horrible and stressful process and then, thank GOD, the result was a blissful evening in and idyllic town.  It was the best Halloween ever.  The best.  I felt like we were in a movie.

When I want to quit because I wasn't cut out for any of this, I am exactly right.  I was made for the Garden of Eden and all this sin, imperfection, sin natures and death that surrounds us - we were not made for.  I am so sickened and angry at how paralyzed I am by the stresses of a person in such a blessed nation.  So much but so imprisoned.  It's insane.  But we weren't designed for this battle.  That's why the depravity and the struggles are blessings in disguise.  Reminders that the only way we can be cut out for this world is when we approach it in the shape of a cross.  My self centeredness is overwhelming.  But it's the sin that is in me.  And God still loves me in spite of all that.  That war inside of me.  He has a solution.  To look to Him.  To take more of Him and then I will look less at me and I can face this battle because He already won it.

I'm Back.. For Now...

I used to get so bugged when bloggers I followed dropped off the face of the earth.  And now I get it.  With different seasons come different priorities.  And I am learning to navigate this time with two busy boys, a messy house and days going by in a flash.  I have learned more about myself.  I am more of a romantic than I ever realized and more of a visionary.  I romanticized the idea of homeschooling, raising children and being a stay at home mom.  My days are filled with lots of frustration, lots of forgiveness (mostly for myself) and a flurry of activity.  In the midst of my new depths of knowledge in practical parenting and the application of the grace of God like never before, I am loving life.  Loving my kids and am so very grateful to God to all He has given me.  I am in awe watching my two little boys becoming more and more independent.  I am in awe of the opportunities God gives me to minister to others in the midst of my own depravity.  I am in awe of the spiritual growth of my husband.  I am in awe of the blessing God continues to pour out.

Doing some art work on a very rainy, cold wet day here in mid-coast Maine.  We do not do art every day - don't want to give a false impression haha.

Learning to live in a house that constantly has every room on the verge of being clean or a total disaster.  Never completely in order.

Our bar top has become a home to Henry's toys and Hudson has found a way to move chairs to reach them as well.

Another shot of the boys hard at work.  Henry is really refining his skills daily.  Hudson doesn't ever want to miss a moment of action.

Our dog is jailed because he pooped on the rug this morning.  His name is Bosley.  He's a beagle and blue tick mix.  We rescued him from the pound after he was there for a few months and before that found nearly dead on the side of a mountain.  He's seven years old and very good with the kids.

Happy Birthday, Hudson!!

Our baby came into the world two years ago today.  Can't believe it's Hudzy Budzy Bear's Birthday!

My Bear loves sports, danger, his family, the water, rocks, trucks, running.   We had to go to the DMV to register my car this morning which was literal torture for all of us.  But we calmed down after getting Hudson a birthday cupcake and playing in the park.

Hudson is very loving and very rough.  He's quiet and he's loud.  He's an observer and a doer.  He's always adventurous and extremely adorable.  I thank God for him everyday.  I thank God for his chubby cheeks and belly and curly hair.  I thank God for how much he loves me.